I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH AN AMAZING WOMAN. SHE IS MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER DREAMED OF. SHE OWNS THE KEY TO MY HEART AND ONE DAY SHE WILL BE MY WIFE. I AM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO WONDERFUL.
I can’t wait to marry my girl and have a family of our own one day. I wish people would just get over the fact that we’re gay, happy, and crazy in love. Family of all people should be the ones that support you no matter what, not the ones that make you feel like shit.
its so frustrating that in order to spend some time together my fiance and i have to pay for a hotel room cuz i’m not allowed at her house and she’s not allowed at my house.
fuck homophobic parents who swear they’re better than everyone one else.
i love it here. watching the sun setting on the mountains. being able to go swimming at the lake only ten minutes away. the air that smells like grass and trees and earth instead of pollution. i absolutely love it here.
but at the same time, i can’t wait to go back to jersey. i spend about 6 days a week at home. tuesdays is usually the day to go to the city. and throughout the week, there are frequent visits to walmart. aside from that, i do not leave this house. and not only am i here all day all the time, but for most of the time, i’m here alone. i know that jess has to work so much cuz if she doesn’t, we won’t be able to afford food, or our way up to jersey, etc. But it just gets to me so much being stuck in a house alone almost all of the time. i don’t talk to anyone, besides the occasional text or fb wall post. But lets be real here, texting or messaging on fb doesn’t exactly constitute as a real human interaction. I don’t mean to complain, because i know i have it good here, but god, its just really getting to my head all this solitude and over-thinking shit sitting in dark living room. i go back to jersey in two weeks, and i am both looking forward to it, but dreading it at the same time. But honestly, the only reason going back to jersey will suck is that jess and i will be apart. Besides that, i kinda can’t wait.
In the mean time, i think i’ll just keep sitting in this dark living room moping and over thinking, waiting for my fiancé to get home from work at midnight, or whenever she shows up, and continue the cycle for 14 more days.
I hate when people whine and complain about their poor grades in school, but don’t make the effort to improve them. If you don’t attend a class in which attendance is mandatory, you will do poorly. If you know you’re not great in math but don’t study for the upcoming math exam, you will do poorly. If it is the day before an important exam and you are up at all times of the night bullshitting, you will do poorly. Please refrain from whining, complaining, and talking bullshit about how you wish you were as smart as me. I’m sorry I actually study and work my ass off for my straight A’s.
“Since we all came from a women, got our name from a women, and our game from a women. I wonder why we take from women, why we rape our women, do we hate our women? I think its time we killed for our women, be real to our women, try to heal our women, cus if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies, who make the babies. And since a man can’t make one he has no right to tell a women when and where to create one.”—
So I usually don’t use this to just..vent, but i’m gonna. Well, vent makes it sound like i’m upset, and i’m not. I have soo much going on right now, and so many emotions rushing through me, but i am happy with where i stand in life. School is going soo good this semester. I’m striving for straight A’s, and it looks like i’m gonna get it. Just found out i got 101 on an exam i studied by butt off for. :] And although I have been slacking as an RA this semester cuz of the leg situation, i’m glad i’m coming back next year, with the exception of rounds, i really do enjoy being an RA. Speaking of leg situation, i went to the orthopedic on friday and he said my ankle doesn’t seem to be healing properly. My ankle is still really swollen and bruised, and it still hurts like a bitch to walk. I should’ve been completely fine and healed by 6 weeks, and its been almost 8 weeks and i still can’t walk without wincing. He sent me to get an MRI, which i’ll be getting next sunday, and then he’ll let me know the results a week later at my next appointment. Either everything is fine and i’m just a slow healer (i hope this is the case) or i might have some chip in the bone or something like that. If i do have a chip and its in place, i get to be in a hard cast again for a few more weeks. If i have a chip and its not in place, i’ll need surgery, and possible screws put into my ankle. Now all of this sounds scary enough as it is, but i think the absolute worst part is that if i end up having something wrong with me, my trip to Tennessee with Jess will probably be ruined. Now this trip is probably the only thing i have been looking forward to for months. What could be better than spending the entire summer with my girl, in a new place that broaden my horizons, and being a just few hours away from our vacation spot in Florida. We have everything planned out, and everything was going perfect until the doctor told me this. So for the next two weeks, i’ll be very anxious and nervous, and hopefully, they’ll go by quickly. On another note, last night, i was driving on the turnpike with Jess. As we passed my dad’s job, i called to let him know we were driving by, and he asked me to stop, even though i was with Jess. We met up and spent like an hour and half just hanging out, the three of us. He even offered Jess food a couple times, and offered to take us out to dinner. Now, coming from my very homophobic father who refuses to even acknowledge some of my other exes, this is a HUGE step. I was soo happy to have the opportunity to share time with my dad and my gf and not feel like i have to choose between them, like i usually do. I don’t wanna get too ahead of myself and get my hopes up, but maybe this means he’s slowly accepting it. And i really hope such is the case, because i am reallyyy falling for this girl, and i really do believe i will be with her for a looong time, if not forever. :] Okayy, so i have a test on 5 chapters that i haven’t read tomorrow, so i better get to reading.
The screams came out as whispers The cries came out as smiles And the pain that’s always haunting Makes my stupid life worth while Try to hide the horror But it keeps on coming back Try to see the sun But everything turns black Looking in the mirror But nothing’s what I see But soon I start to realize That nothing was just me